Are you hyper-parenting?

A comment I heard recently about parenting stated that parents of bygone generations didn’t really parent; not like parents of today. This prompted me to count the parenting books on my shelf. I have a total of eight. That doesn’t take into consideration the books I’ve given to other people. And not because I thought their children were unusually bratty. We’re just hyper-parenting these days.

It all started with the inventor of the helmet who was tired of looking at hockey players with missing teeth. He then realized his offspring could benefit from not smashing their heads into the pavement every time they fell off their bikes. The only reason adults have to wear helmets now is to be good examples to their children, although some adults fall off their bikes for no apparent reason while taking their dogs for runs on leash.

I personally don’t think helmets have really helped all that much. Helmet wearing makes youngsters take more risks. My older son broke his collarbone and acquired a concussion while wearing a helmet on two separate occasions, two things I have never managed to accomplish without a helmet.

Our generation lived on the edge, and lived to tell about it. (Those who did not survive have no comment.)

Here’s another case in point: I come from a hardy period in time when parents thought smoking was a healthy, stress-relieving pastime, and children should partake of the second-hand smoke to reap the benefits. While driving on long car trips from Ontario to Florida, my parents didn’t allow us to roll down the windows while they chain-smoked for 28 hours straight. Apparently, we were very calm during the entire trip since they did this more than once.

My parents had no parenting books. My father, at one point, remarked that children didn’t come with manuals. They used to make us go outside and play. They never once gave us the ‘stranger-danger’ talk. If there was a disagreement, our parents didn’t want to hear about it—that was being a tattletale. They trusted us to work out our differences, and invent our own games when we were bored. As long as there was no lasting damage, it was fine with them. And the longer we stayed outside, the better. I know, because they locked the door.

To compensate for my freewheeling childhood, I tend to be a little overprotective. When my son walked to the store recently, I give him the ‘stranger-danger’ talk at least five times while he put on his shoes. I offered to let him take my cell phone. I suggested he wear a helmet. I ran upstairs and watched him from a window until I couldn’t see him anymore. Once, on a different walk to the store when my son and his friend dawdled on their way back, I jumped in my car and tracked them down. If my children have disagreements, I am the peace-talks mediator. (If the Middle East let my generation of mothers handle the Peace Talks, they’d have settled their differences years ago.)

So it’s good to read a few books on parenting, but it’s extreme to hyper-manage kids’ every waking moment. Besides, boredom is good for kids since it forces them to invent games for which they need helmets.