Love is one of the greatest human needs and family is the
place where children first learn about it.
How can we as parents love our
children when they continue to wear out the furniture, empty the fridge, fight
over the Nutella, and insist on reciting word for word the script to their
minifigures’ adventure when we have no interest?
It helps to remember that children are entrusted to us and
we owe it to them to love them unconditionally. Love should not be used as a
reward for good behavior, or withheld as punishment.
When a child misbehaves, consequences can be doled out based
solely on the misdeed, without anger, which demeans and discourages. If a child
spills milk, she must clean it up; if he dents the truck’s bumper, he must take
responsibility for his actions and pay to have it replaced.
Let’s face it; we all make mistakes, even our kids. And they
want to see if we mean what we say, so they’ll test boundaries.
Reassuring a child with the words, “I love you and care
about you. This consequence is for your good,” helps to separate the child’s
intrinsic worth from his actions, which can be changed. This way a child learns
she is valued as a person, not based on performance.
Love is an action and children thrive on it more than Nutella.
Dr. Gary Chapman, father to two adult children, grandfather to two, and author
of The Five Love Languages of Children,
breaks it down into these categories: physical touch, like hugs and high-fives;
words of affirmation, “I like your sense of humour,” and “I love you”; quality
time, “Let’s go for a bike ride,” or “Tell me about what your minifigures are
doing”; gifts, which are tangible, but not necessarily with a dollar value; and
acts of service, such as reading aloud to the child or helping her paint her
room.
We can always replace the furniture and restock the fridge,
but loving our kids is an investment not only in our children, but future
generations, because family matters.
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